Sadness of her Soul
by XXXEdwardAddictXXX
Summary: A story co-written by Savanna and Raelynn. We were going to write an epic fan-fiction with lots of x-overs and a mind-blowingly awesome plot, but we ended up writing this instead. I think we probably shouldn't write fanfictions together again, probably. Jacob is out for revenge, after a tragic mistake. Everyone will suffer. Victoria has a scary plan, and Brianna is beautiful.
1. Chapter 1

**bPoster's Note: Here is the first chapter of Raelynn's NEW fanfic. It's still Twilight, and although I'm a bit over that now, I know a lot of people still like it. This took about 10 000 000 000 000 000 000 rewrites, but I think it's a lot better than her first one. So please read and enjoy!/b**

Brianna Shayle was always the most popular girl at Forks High, because she was a beautiful cheerleader. She was very beautiful like a vampire princess, and had golden hair that was long and wavy with caramel-toned highlights and the most gorgeous blue eyes that had ever beheld Edward Cullen. They had been dating now, but had broken up because Brianna wanted to find herself. It was a difficuult time for the beautiful Edward to handle.

Then they had a new girl in school, and her name was Bella Swan becaus it was her that had come to Forks with her family. See, her mother has Bella with her ex-husband who is Charlie, but now she has married Phil and they had their other daughter who was named Rennemsee. Resnemenee was so beautiful and specual the parents loved her more than their love for Bella. So they had made Bella go and live with Charlie, so they had more time to spend with Renmeese.

Charlie had many alcholol problens because he is police man, but he loved Bella. He was often out catching murderers and people who had smoked at work, so they had to go to jail, and then Edward would come over to visit Bella and they made their true love under the sky.

One day Brianna fought with Ashlynn Master, and they decided they should become mortal enemies. Both of them loved Mike Newton, but Brianna loved him most, but Ashlynn had dated him, but she had slept with Eric, but Mike had found out. And now he knew that Brianna loved him more, but Ashlynn refused to break up so he could never be with Brianna.

It broke Edward's heart that Brianna loved Mike so much, and that he could not have her anymore. He was so sad that he hung himself in the forest from a tree and just waited to strangle. But suddenly the kind and benevolent Bella Swan was for a walk in the forest to pick mushrooms for dinner, since Charlie has spent all the money on moonshine again. She saw a beautiful boy hanging from a big oak tree, and took him down and gave him mouth two mouth, and then she dragged him through the forest to Carlisle and Esme who adopted him and gave him love and kindness. He was so greatful to Bella from saving his life from a broken heart, that he could never love anyone but her again.

Brianna was really happy with her Mike, because she loved him more than she had loved Edward. But Ashlynn was really jealous and sad, so she tried to make out with Edward all the time, to make Mike jealous. But that didn't work, LOLLLZ because Mike only had his love for Brianna. It made Bella really sad, but Edward kissed her and made love to her under the desk in biology, and that was so romantic and crazy. Everyone got jealous.

One day Brianna's parents said that "Your life is too perfect. You're too beautiful and popular to ever have known pain. So we have adopted a new daughter who has had a terrible childhood, and she will be your sister and the experiance will teach you compassion and suffering."

A girl came into the room, and she was very thin with a skeleton for bones, and she wore a jute bag that said POTATOS stamped on it in black letters. Her sadly colored eyes were sunk into her skully face and her dull hair like deaf grass. She had a razor blade on a chain around her neck to slash her wrists with.

"I don't want this sister!" cried Brianna, and ran away from home. Mike took her to the movies, and later they had lots of sex and listened to Justin Bieber. Mike is a really good boyfriend, so he never said that Brianna's music taste sucked. Not like LOGAN, fuck you! Go listen to Anthony and Johnson while you have sex with Amber! My life is SO much better as a free woman!

So yeaaaah, Brianna was pretty happy in her life. Even her own parents were jealous of her perfectness. It was all good until one day the homeroom teacher Miss Scrully came into the classroom and said "Dear students, instead of prom this year, we shall have X-Factor. The principle has decided that voting for prom queen is descriminating, because only the most beautiful girl in school can win it, which means Brianna, and none of the ugly ones will ever have a chance. That's sexist. So now we shall have talent show instead, so someone can DESERVE to win for once."

Brianna began to cry, because she could never be prom queen if she wasn't allowed to be the prettisest girl in school! But then she thought that she would win Xfactory instead, because that's actually cooler. All schools have a prom queen, but she was going to be a a STAR!


	2. Chapter 2

So then they had X-Factor at the scholol and Brianna sang a very beautiful song. She sang Baby baby baby No like Justin Bieber. Ashlynn Masters was crying in the boys' bathroom because she was soooo jellous because she knew she didn't have a great voice and charismatic enhancedment like that.

"That was awesome baby, said Mike" who was a good boyfriend UNLIKE LOGAN. And then they kissed like two beautiful and cool superstars that everyone is jealous of. Bella and Edward sucked face under the drinks table. They were really great singers too, but Brianna was just better. She was good at a lot of thinks, OK don't hate!

Then Ashlynn Masters came out of the bathroom and wiped her snot away and went to sing Friday by Rebecca Black. She wore a really tight rubber dress with snakeskin print that one of her boobs was hanging out of almost. It had cut-outs on her butt. And her boots were illuminecent pink and flashed light when she danced. She took the microphone and started singing with her voice.

"Stop this, we have heard enough!" said the principial. "Now we'll hear someone who has REAL talent and who has suffered a lot in life and deserves a chance to be popular!"

Brianna's new sister came up on the stage. She had on a new dress and had been bathed and combed her hair, but she still looked like a skeleton in clothes. Then she sang a song she had written herself about how she had suffered in her life. It made Miss Scrully cry and Bella. It also reminded Alice of when she was left to rot in the forest and Edward found her washed up on the beach. (PLZ read my first story to understand).

"That was brilliant!" said the guy from TV, "What is your name darling?"

"My real name is Turd Hopkins, but my new parents call me Prescious,# said Brianna's stepsister tragically so.

"Prescious is our winner, because she's suffered so much!" said Miss Scrully. "I hope the rest of you are suitably ashamed of yourseelves too!"

Everyone went home since the party got pooped, and Mike took Brianna to go to a club for cool people, and Edward took Bella on a romantic honeymoon. They kissed under the palmtrees in Hawaii and the moon shined blissfully upon their true love. Then school was out for the summer, and Jacob came home from boarding school for warewolves.

WTF! Ii can't believe my sister won the X Faxtor! "said Brianna incredilousily!" She can't sing and that song she wrote really sucked! They all just voted for her because they'd get detention if they didn't!

Brianna was such a sympaethetic girl, and why would her parents just dump her from a girl they bought cheaply from an orphanage just to teach her a lesson? When Brianna had always been such a good daughter and picked flowers for her mom on the way back from school, and made breakfast every Saturday and written Mothers' Day poems and done laundry and never broken curfew, and always refilled gas? It was not fair.

So then Brianna was adopted by the Esme and Carlisle Cullens, because they thought she was awesome and would like a daughter just like her. And they adopted Bella too, because even if Charlie loved her he hardly ever remembered to give her food and let her in at night.  
But Ashlynn Master had a scary plan. She was angry that she didn't win Xfactor, and that must have been Brianna's fault. because if Brianna hadn't been so beautiful and so happy in her life, her parents would never have had to adopt Precocious to teach her about pain. And then Preciocous wouldn't have won X Factro, and Ashlynn might have had her chance! So now she was becomning the girlfriend of all the werewolved, so that Brianna could never get a new boyfriend if Mike dumped her once he discovered what a spoiled brat she was!


	3. Chapter 3

**Poster's Notes: This chapter took several thousand re-writes. Or maybe not, but it feels like it. I think it's OK for uploading now, if Raelynn has followed the suggestions I wrote on her last revision. I've read like 74 different versions of this chappy, so I can't bring myself to actually look at it.**

Now the Cullens had so many children that they needed a bigger house. Mike had also moved in, because he was Brianna's true love. And unlike Brianna's first set of parents, Esme and Carlisle loved their daughter so much that they didn't want her to be separated from her love. Because they had like increddibly much money, because Carlisle was 200000 years old and a time traveller (thanks to Savanna for the idea and for editing) who had been president and emperor many times over, they bought a scenic island out in the sea and built a manor house with many rooms.

They had 10 miles of beach where everyone else in the world had to ask for permission to swim, but they usually said yes because they were nice like that. And they also had an incredibly nice luxury boat, but enough with the domestic bliss, because there was shit going down.

Amberlynn Masters was cheating on all the werewolfes with all the other werewolfs, and it was really hard for her to find enough time to date them all so they wouldn't be suspicious. She had made a wize decision to break up with Paul, because he was so ugly that she couldn't stand kissing him. And it was also more important that Brianna wouldn't want to date him anyway, and if she did that would be like a punishment because Paul was so gross and uggg.

But she also broke up with Jacob, because she was tired of his addiction to Hawaii 5-0. I mean, who seriously watches that in the 21rst century? I only know it exxists because my grandparents made me watch it when they babysat us when we were kids. It's for old people, OK?! I bet Logan likes it, though.

Jacob always got really depressesive when some girl dumped him. He had a fragile yet enflated ego that hurt from rejection like a beesting on somewhere the sun never shines. Except possibly if you're from Sweden. Mr Lombottomby says they are really liberal up there. You can marry your car and a cow and such. That's where his grandfather is from. So in conclusion, maybe in Swe3den the sun sometimes shines on those places.

So Jacob teamed up with Charlie for revenge, because Charlie now had to live on his own because Bella had walked out on him to live with the Cullens. It was always her who did the housework for him, and now all his clothes were pink from the wash, and he was sniffing around in the forest for edible berries and roots, cause there was no money left from buying enough booze. They both had plenty of reason for hating the Cullens perfect family.

But I have forgotten to tell you why Jacob hated them so much. You see, he was originally their adopted kid too, when he was a baby. But he was kidnapped by a secret cult of bikers when Esme stopped to fill gas at a Seven-11 in Tesco. The police did a really searious mistake for the investigation, and gave the Cullens back Emmett instead, who they had found tied up in a doghouse in Wisconsin. It had been a really long time, so Esme and Carlisle didn't think it was weird that he didn't look the same as before.

While it was really nice that Emmett was rescued from his abusive family situation, it did nothing good for Jacob who was being kept in a secret lab in a garage in Arkansas and had to learn to make heroin and cocain for his new "daddy". (Rae, you need to break this sentence up. It's too long.) After many years the police finally caught the bikers during a drug bust, and the nice undercover cop who he had come to know as "Uncle Gary", and who had been the only person never to beat him up, had testified in court that it was Jacob who had supplied all the bikers with drugs. So Jacob, who was 14 by then and old enough for prison, was sentenced to 300 years in the slammer.

All the rage he felt because of this betrayal, turned him into a wherewolf for the first time ever. He ate the police men who were taking him to jail, and stole the prison wan. Then he lived in the secret forests like a savage animal. This was how he came to find Charlie one night, passed out in a cranberry bush, intoxicated on moonshine and wild toadstool. Charlie knew the police had messed up the investigation because he'd been there, (tahnks to Savanna for this plot!) and he told Jacob that he had once been adopted by the Cullens, and could have grown up filthy rich and spoilt.

Jacob never forgave them for thinking that Emmett was really him. They came up with an evil plan, muahahahaha!

So Jacob's life was pretty miserable, until one day he saw a really sexy girl sunbathing on the beach of the lake in the forest where Alice one washed up. She was so beautiful that he lost his mind and nothing in the world mattered anymore. It was… REMENSNEMEE!


	4. Chapter 4

**Poster's notes: The reason Raelynn hasn't been quite so efficient at popping out the chapters lately, is because she's been very busy playing Second Life. She and her beefy, muscular virtual husband instead popped out a computer baby she needs to take care of. But she says the experience has improved her writing exponentially. Although I did help her a bit with spelling words and forming sentences.**

On the private island in the Pacific Island outside of Forks (I checked the map, and it totally is the Pacific and all), Esme was floating around in a field of pastel-colored flowers of all shapes. Her transclucent, feather-light neglichééy was billowing in the air behind her. Whenever she took a step, gravity lifted the delicate fabric, and whenever she stopped, it fell gracefully down around her sensually feminate legs.

Carlisle stood around in an unbuttoned shirt that showed of his exploratory muscular upper body and six-pack. His upper arms were massive and rippling, and his shoulders were so wide and manly that his head looked small upon them. He now had spikey black hair, but not stupidly gelled-spikey LIKE LOGAN, but fluffy and animé-like as the fur of a Belgian Shepherd dog. It had turned that way naturally, because when you're as happy as they were on the island your inner beauty becomes outer. Sometimes you don't recognize people after a happy experience.

Esme and Carlisle were now younger and freer that they had been for centuries (Esme is also a time traveller), and they required some them-time alone from the kids, so the intelligent and mature adult son James took all the younger people out on the boat. It was very large like a house in itself, and they enjoyed a lovely tropical vacation. (They went to Spain, because I don't like Hawaii. I keep seeing flashes of 1960s surfers, and that theme-song playing in my ears!)

On a Spanish beach, Resnemee went suntanning with her less loved sister Bella, when she opened her eyes and saw the most sexy mediterranean werewolf surferboy she had ever beheld with her amber-golden eyes. But pretty eyes, not the kind of eyes Amber has. Hers are poop-brown. I hope Logan is happy with her, when he could have had me. Except not really, because he deserves to suffer.

(Raelynn, you're breaking the fourth wall again.)

"Oh, he's sooooo dreamy!" exclaimed Renmesee. "Who is he?"

"Ewwww!" putrified Phil. "It's that orphan werewolf who ran away from Esme's loving home. You're not talking to him!" and he dragged his sexy daughter away to teach her about birds and bees.

"I'm sure glad Charlie was never that protective of you," Edward expressed his opinion as he made love to Bella in the crystal sands under the golden setting sun above the palm trees rustling in the cool breeze rolling in from the crystal blue sea in which the sapphire sky reflected. Life was beautiful.

But as they approached the homely shores of Washington country, they happened to be greeted by Brianna's ex-dad on his jet-ski that he bought for when he was going to have a midlife crisis.

"Precious has run away," he lamented to his former child. "She found a photo album in our bedroom, that we kept as a reminder of our first family unit. It broke her heart to see you on your mother's lap as a six-year-old innocent girl, knowing that we loved you before we even knew she existed. So if you should see her around, would you please tell her that she's always welcome back?"

Brianna started crying and ran to her room, because she had thought that her dad had come to take her back and tell her everything had been a mistake and that they still loved their only real daughter. She didn't want to go back to Esme again, because she had become too glamorous for a mother, and Brianna missed having a motherly one. So back on land she packed her bags and took the midnight train to England to live with her caring aunt Mrs Weasley so she could live daughterly again. She forgot about Mike in all her emotional turmoil.

This was very good news for Amberlynn, who broke up with all the werewolves. Their slobbery dog-breath kisses were not as passionate as the true love she could have.


	5. Chapter 5

**Poster's Notes: Raelynn is still furious because someone wrote an unfavorable review of her first story. All her pain and anger went into this chapter. Though, I did contribute some.**

Brianna was standing on the lonely platform of the rural Forks Trainstation. It was dark, and her beautiful face was illuminated by the fluorescent bulbs far above her head. The midnight wind was playing with her wavy blond hair and the light floral fabric of her dress. On the other side of the tracks, the dark silhuettes of the pines swayed slowly back and forth in the pale light of the summer moon. Brianna looked incredibly beautiful in this scene.

Suddenly the train choofed into the station, and she boarded with her red suitcase.  
"Are you going to England?" asked the train driver.

"Yes," said Raelynn sadly, and went to sit in the back of the couch. Nobody had come to stop her from going, even though she had written teary and heartfelt letters to both her Mom and Esme. Now she only hoped Aunt Molly would notice she arrived.

Back at the floating Cullen-house (not the mansion, because that's in a big garden, remember) Esme was having a girl-chat with her other new daughter Bella, and was encouraging her to go and make it up with Renne, because Savanna thinks that was very important if they did. She picked a bouqckett of wild flowers from Esme's garden, and went to see her biomom.

Raenesmee was sitting prettily in the garden swing and reading her favorite book 50 Shades. But if this was a film, the shark-music would be playing all through this pleasant segment. Below the poarch was the slimy vampire Felix, who was an ugly cannibal from Italy. Suddenly he burst up through the woodent planks and BIT Rennemsee in the neck so she fainted.

Phil came running with his gatling gun and loaded three pounds of lead into Felix, and that made him lose appetite for the moment. Renmesnee was very pail with no blood in her. So they took her to ER, and Carlisle said "We must do blood transplant. But she has a very rare type of blood, and none of her parents match, but actually her sister Bella does, because they have the same grandmother!"

(See, I know ananatomy when I see it!)

"But what about my FEELINGS?" asked Bella. "What if I don't want to do it?"

"Then she will die spontaneously," Carlisle negociated solemnly. "Please, Bella. I know you don't like needles, but it's the morally right thing to do."

"Dearest Bella," Reene said with tears in her eyes. "Please help us save your sister."

"But I don't want to!" shouted Bella. "You're just doing this because you HATE me! This is not about saving Remenesmee at all! It's all about having a chance to STAB me with a long fucking needle! So don't come here and say that you CARE about her. This is all about punishing ME!"

And then she ran liberated out of the room while she cried BOOHOOOHOO!

"Well, shit," said Carlisle as he pulled up his sleeves. "Remenees will just have to become a vampire now!"

"Wait!" said Phil, who was her caring parent. "She's already been bitten. Isn't she going to vampirate anyway.`"

"No, because Felix is neutered" said Carlisle, "So he has no venom. But I DO!" Then he bit her arm, and she started flailing wildly.

Reenee cried against Phil's moderately ripped chest, with sorrow that both of her beautiful daughters were becoming unpleasant monsters.

Bella came home and found Charlie passed out on the floor with a bottle of rum in his hand. She kicked him with her millitary boots until he regained conscientiousness, because he had a night patrol. Jacob was camping out at Charlie's house, and he was coming down the stairs all hot and shirtless with bulging abs. He helped Bella load Charlie into the passenger seat, because he was too soggy to drive.

"I can come with you," he offered flirtingly. "I look great in a pair of handcuffs."

"No, I'm used to taking care of myself and Dad," Bella said selflessly. "Life has tought me how to assault some small town criminals. We'll be alright."

But as she drove down the lonely country road with her father snoring drunkenly by her side, she thought that darnm if Jacob wasn't massively hot. And then it struck her, that she had a perfect opportunity of getting revenge on her so-called sister for nearly getting her killed agonizingly by needle. She was going to steal her boyfriend!


	6. Chapter 6

**Poster's Notes: After a long time, here is a new chapter of what ever it was this story was called again.** _ **Sadness of Her Soul**_ **. Yeah, that's it. It takes Raelynn longer than usual to write, because she's back in school again, without Mister Lombottomby this year XD XD XD, and she's also gone and bought another Second Life baby. She wanted to try out the C-sections, because it looked so realistic and cool in the Youtube videos.**

Reenesmene was now a buaeutiful vampire, and she had hot steamy sex with Jacob for three hours every day after school. Jacob was mascularly sensual and had developed amazing biceps from all the push-ups he did on top of Resneemee. His six pack of abs and pecs was bulging with hotness, his face was sculpted from majestic rock and his shlong was in position like a diciplined and patriotic French soldier giving a salute. (Rae, the French aren't very good at the army-thing…) (No but they are real passionate, and look sexy in unoform!)

In the mean time Brianna had arrived in Hogwarts in Britian, and lived with her loving relatives the Weastleys. She felt like a daughter, and started to forget all about stupid Precious A.K.A. Turd, and was just WAAAAAY over Mike by then. She dated Oliver Wood, because he was kind of sexy and athletic. And bonus he was very nice and faithful. She's very happy now, so she'll be out of the story for a while on holiday.

Over at the Cullens' house, Esme was now very pregnant with Carlisle's adorable baby. He was doing ultrasound of her bloated belly, and they could see little Tallulah smile and wave to her loving future parents, as she looked foreward to being part of their successful and entitled family. Esme wore a pink tutu and a matching frilly bra that supported her huge bouncy beasts. It was sexy and comfortable maternity wear that was fashionable on the blogs. Carlisle was being a supportive father, and sitting with her on huge plastic balls practicing holding their arms out to the side like people do who have babies. They were sitting in their backyeard in front of their private crystalline lake with majestic waterfall, and listning to Enrique Iglesias in Spanish because that's a lot romantic.

Up in a luxurious bedroom in the mansion, Bella was having sex with Edward. He was moaning with the pleasure he felt in his dick-region, but Bella was spaceing out and thinking of Jacon. She was plotting how she was going to get revenge on Remmensee for making people want to poke Bella with a bastard needle, by stealing her boyfriend who was Jacob. She needed to be even sexier than Reenmesse for that to happen, so she knew how to do that.  
"Edward," Bella moaned in fake pleasure, because seriously she wasn't really noticing his enormous love-sprocket at all because she was still so full of boiling anger. "I want you to bite me sensually."

She felt his sharp teeth sink into her neck, and then everything went black with incredible happiness. The next thing she knew, she was a milky white gorgeous vampire.  
"I need to go see my Dad," she said, pushing Edward off with her new vampire muscles. "He's probably passed out on the floor again and has pissed his pants, and he needs to be at work in two hours."

She tossed a bucket of water over Charlie who was asleep on the couch, and told him to GTFO to work. He could drive the car himself for once. Who was gonna test the fucking sheriff for DUI anyway? Then she woke up Jacob, who didn't work but was exhausted by the sex he had with Remensee. She tore off her bra, and her perky vampire boobies bounced out.

Jacob was like "Aiiiii Chihuahua!", and soon they were humping and pumping to the rythm of Modern Talking. They only had Charlie's record collection to set the mood, and he had awful taste, OK?

Jacob was grabbing on Bella's boobs all the time while they were shagging (LOL, I can speak British too!), and she was grabbing on to his masculine werewolf abs that were almost as big. He had so big pecks that even straight guys wanted to grope him. But he didn't need a bra, because pecks are rock hard, if not they're moobs. BTW, guess who's got moobs? (Starts with L!) (Mr Lombottomby!) (Yeah, him too, but I was referring to Logan.)

As any of this was going on, suddenly Esme's water broke. Rosa Lee placed her in a pink wheelchairs, and ran the fastest she could over to the ambulance that was waiting. They all went to the birth house, which was a huge glass building that was all modern and stylish on a beach. Tania Denali was the nurse, and she wore a sexy, short outfit that showed off her belly and was laced across the boobs so they wouldn't pop out during delivery. I think I might want to be a midwife, it looks really cool and it's a real important job helping all those babies. Everyone had to go and sit in the cinema above the operation room, so they could watch the baby come out.

Esme had to take off her nickers and Tania started doing a C-section. Carlisle wasn't allowed to, becase he was the biological father. She held a knife that she inserted into Esme's belly, and a hole popped open that they could see her intestinal organs. Esme gasped in pain many times. She wore her hair in a fashionable messy bun with bangs. Tania waved her hand with the knife over the hole in the belly, and suddenly Tallulah's head squirted out. Everyone in the cinema clapped, and Carlisle cried a bit. Edward threw up, because he was scared of blood. Esme gasped in pain again, and the rest of Tallulah was expelled from the womb. Tania got a real big needle and made the hole disappear, and gave Esme her undies back.

Esme floated over to the pink wash basin in a motherly daze, and started giving Tally (for short) her first ever bath. Carlisle took many pictures to share with their friends. And that was the amazing miracle of birth. Esme finally felt whole, although Leah was a nasty feminist and said she was nothing but an incubator now that she'd had a baby.

Carlisle went to the shop and bought Esme a present. It was a baby leopard that she could carry on her arm when she went out. And she also got a lovely transparent dress to show off her body when the pregnancy shape expired.


	7. Chapter 7

**Poster's Notes: This chapter does not include the Raelynn's beautiful art of Esme giving birth, because then we'd have to give the chapter an M-rating. Neither does it include the incredibly fugly (but quite accurate) picture she drew of Logan, because when Uncle Douglas, who's a lawyer, saw it he said it was defamation.**

 **This chapter is 100% written by Raelynn, because I had an essay about the damaging effects Liberals have on society.**

Bella was a mostly beautiful vampire, and all the boys in school want to screw her a lot. She had seduced her sisters boyfriend, who was a hot werewolf but a little evil. And her sister who was Remessnee had found out because Jacob had maoned "OH BELLA" when the had sex under the full moon in the dark forest where the werewolves hunted the majestic caribou.

Suddenly Carlisle burst into room and shoutes: HELP TALLULA IS MISSING! Emse started crying, and Remesnee sobbed with grief, and Bella shrieked in agony, and Edward was reading them a story to help them feel better. Carlimpe said WE MUST CALL THE POLOICE! but not Charlie because he was in jail for domestic insubordinance. So Phil said "We should call a private detecitve!" and they did, and the dectective came over.

It was SHERLOCK! and he had a British face and didn't like people much. "You need to help us said Esme!" Jasob Black has stolen our baby, adn this is only revenge because we adopted him but he was kidnapped by the drug sect and we didn't find him because he looked like Emmett and we didn't know any better. aNd now he hates us, and that is wjhy it's dangerous to adopt children you don't know because they can turn on you even if you treat them well if you make tragical mistakes!"

"I see Madame," said Sherlock. "Jolly awful person this werewolf chap."

They all went looking in the forest and in the city and all over town and even in Canada where everyone looked the same, but they found Jasper nailed to a tree in the woods. He was run through with a lot of swords and daggers, and was dead, and a note was nailed to his forehead that said "HAHAHAHAHA now I got you for betraying me! I HAS KILLED EMMETT!"

"Oh no," said Carlisle in a bad mood. "He thought Jasper was Emmett! He will never forgive us!"

But then they saw that it wasn't really Jasper, it was a porn doll with his face painted on and a lot of blood.

"I think in my brain that the scratty blokes may be conspiring to work toegether!" Sherlock said. "Didn't Japser used to sell drugs?"

"He sold weed, crack, heroin, cocain, cannabis, granite and meth!" wailed Esme. "I thought my mother ly love had cured him of his evil ways!"

"Love has never solved a shite," said Sherlock comfortingly. Renne started crying.

Carlisle drove them home, and they went for a walk along the beach and found Tally buried to her ankles in the sand. Edward started crying. Because he was so happy they find his little sister. She was not okay.

I daresay that poor child will be scarred for life," hollered Sherlock. "I suggest you start on making another one. Chop chop, off you go. I need to catch the nine o'clock train to London. Call me if you find any more dead bodies."

Esme and Carlisle made love in consolation that Tally was smacked in the brain, and then they took a pregnazi test, and they found a baby in it! "Oh no!" said Esme and started crying. "Another baby! We need to write to my brave and mature and beautiful daughter Brianna and tell her to come home, because she's the only persnon who can handle this!"

"We take the floating house and og to Braxil," determined Carmine. "Bella and Edward can housesit the mansion, that will make them feel appreciated while we're neglecting them for a couple of years!"

"Yes, and they can have lots of parties," said Esme. "I think we should leave Alice and Jaspre with them too. We only need Emmett for body gourd, and Rosa Lee because he'll be sad without her, and Reeen and Pillh because they're our best friends and our daughter's parents, and Renesneem, but not Jacob because this is his FULT!"

On the sceneric and weather beaten island of Scottland, Brianna was very happy with her new parents, they were actually her uncle and aunt but they said on TV that whoever raises you are your parents, but Dad said that was Liberal proganda. Biolological bonds matter, my Dad says. He knows a lot about it, because he studies animals in cages all day. Sometimes he cuts them up and looks inside them. He's a scientist. You don't need to have studied in a brainwashing university to do real science, says my Dad. But the Cullens practiced being everyone's parents, and Brianna learned from them because they had been her parents when they lived in Spain.

It was very sad when Brianna had to leave yet another Mom to go off into the big, cruel world on exiting adventures, but Esme promised to be less glamorous now that she was pregnant. And they could bake cookies on the houseboat every Friday before watching Life on Mars. Mrs Weasley was a bit tired of having all the kids around when school was out, so she sent Ginny and Harry (she had adopted him, so he didn't have to live with his stupid muggles) to sea with them. The would all need lots of help looking after Tally and a new baby.

Just as the happy Cullens had left the shores of Bonnie Scottland, there was a knock on Mrs Weasley's door. It was a very skinny girl in a dirty bag, and she said "My name is Turd, and I have really mean parents, but I was adopted by some really nice loving new parents who called me Precious and gave me nice clothes and hugged me and made cookies, but those had another daughter and they had made her childhood so happy while I was suffering in my first home that I couldn't bear it! Can I live here, please?"

"Of course, dear!" said Mars Weasrly in a motherly woice.

Was Turd finally going to find a loving home? Was Brianna finally going to find a loving home? Was Esme finally going to have a natural baby (not c-sec)? Was Charlie and Jacog up to something? Was Resmee going to miss jaxob? Was Renne going to marry Phlip? Was Jacob really kidnapped?

Next chapter wull be much better, because my editor can edit again when her essay is wrote. I need to improve my grammer, but Dad says as long as I speek fine, then who cares howe I write? I'm not going to be a secretary.


End file.
